This could be a weekly feature.

Sarah Paxton

If you’re thinking she could be a mermaid, Hollywood is one step ahead of you. She played the title role in Aquamarine, alongside Emma Roberts and JoJo. She’s sinced move on to brutal rape; she was in The Last House On The Left. Can’t be a mermaid forever. Age: Almost 21

Lucy Hale

She was on ‘Bionic Woman.’ It was bad and got cancelled. Now she’s on The CW’s ‘Privileged.’ Ooh, too bad you’re not on the good CW show; you’re gettin’ canned again. Age: 19 

Caitlin Wachs

She was also on a cancelled show, ‘Commander-In-Chief,’ with Geena Davis. You may recognize her from My Dog Skip, Inspector Gadget 2, or, yes! Phantom Of The Megaplex. Great fucking Disney Channel Original Movie. She also got to kiss Nicole Ritchie in some bad movie from 2005. Is that good or bad? Age: 20

Shannon Marie Woodward

Best know for her role as DiDi Malloy on ‘The Riches,’ a show I desperately wish I still watched. She was also in the bombtastic The Haunting Of Molly Hartley. Age: 24. Huh.

Jordan Hinson

Best, and only, know for her role as Zoe on SyFy’s ‘Eureka’ (SciFi Channel is spelled SyFy now, really). Also got started in a DCOM; the figure skating one Go Figure. Age: 17  

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This isn’t over, but I promise a regular-aged list is in the works.